Roger Davis: Owner's Guide and Manual
by TakeMeOrLeaveMe2010
Summary: Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a ROGER unit! Inspired by ParallaxRider's Pirates of the Caribbean ones.


**Read a POTC one that cracked me up.**

**Sparked an idea.**

**I'll probably do a million of these.**

**Thanks, ParallaxRider!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.**

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Congratulations!

You are now the proud owner of a ROGER! We ensure your ROGER will be good for your pleasure and enjoyment!

Welcome to the ROGER instructions manual. We suggest you read and follow the directions carefully.

Name: Roger Davis

Type: Caucasian Human Male Rocker/Bohemian

Manufacturer: RENTCo.

Age: Early 20s

Height: 6'0 or more.

Weight: Unknown. Varies with time.

Double-check that all ROGER garnishes are included with your ROGER.

1) Beat-up Fender guitar

2) Hot Plate

3) Coffee Cup

4) Windowsill (for Angsting)

5) Pantene Shampoo/Conditioner

6) Notebook

You will find that ROGER units will be particularly upset if garnishes 1, 4, and 5 are not present. Taking any of these away will result in a ROGER tantrum, which often results in pissed-off MIMI and MARK units, yourself included.

ACTIVATION

1) ROGER units should arrive in a black box 3-4 days after ordering. Your site of activation depends on whether you have a Pre-RENT ROGER or a During/Post-RENT ROGER. A Pre-RENT ROGER should be activated in a dark room, not far from ROGER Garnish # 4. A During/Post-RENT ROGER may be activated in a much brighter, happier room.

2) We suggest that before activation you put Garnish #1 in plain sight. If not in sight after activation, your ROGER will turn your house upside down until it finds it.

OPERATION

Your ROGER is to be used for your enjoyment. A ROGER can perform all of these duties:

Songwriting: It may take your ROGER ages, but usually your ROGER unit can produce a short, sweet song. (NOTE: We suggest you only use this feature if you are: a) trying to win back a significant other or b) your significant other is dead or dying in front of you)

Angst Buddy: Nobody to talk to? Angst with your ROGER. Your ROGER may not provide comfort but your ROGER will gladly sit with you on your ROGER Garnish #4 in a dark room until you are satisfied.

Guitar Lessons: Your ROGER is a skilled guitarist, and will willingly teach you how to play guitar. Swearing and ROGER tantrums may occur.

Lover: We find that a ROGER unit provides excellent love services. We do not suggest you do this within 1000 feet of a MIMI or APRIL unit, which could result in a large bitch fight.

Trick Pony: A ROGER is a great way of entertainment for a party, family get-together, or Bar Mitzvah. We suggest you find young teenage girls to accompany your ROGER. (NOTE: A ROGER only plays rock or emo music.)

CLEANING

To keep your ROGER relatively happy, proper cleaning is strictly recommended.

1) Bathe your ROGER daily. You will find a musky scent coming from your ROGER if not bathed. Use Garnish #5 for hair. This is EXTREMELY important.

2) Dry off your ROGER. You will probably want to do this yourself, but if needed your ROGER will wipe itself off

3) Dress your ROGER. Again, you will probably want to do this yourself, but if needed your ROGER will dress itself.

4) Brush hair. Make sure it is glistening and very Fabio-esque. Your ROGER will greatly enjoy this.

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER UNITS:

We tested our ROGER units with other units to see their compatibility.

MARK COHEN: Very Compatible. Your ROGER will get along great with a MARK unit. Do not be alarmed if they room together. This will not activate slash mode unless activated by you for your pleasure and enjoyment.

MIMI MARQUEZ: Very Compatible. Your ROGER will be very attracted to a MIMI unit. We suggest you do not keep them within 100 feet of each other if you do not want to see them engage in sexual activity. If you are sexually involved with your ROGER, avoid MIMI units at all costs.

BENNY COFFIN: Not Compatible. A ROGER and BENNY unit may not be good together. They often fight, which will result in two very unhappy units. If this happens, avoid BENNY unit and give your ROGER Garnish #1. You will find within a few days your ROGER will be back to normal.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q) My Pre-RENT ROGER is no fun at all. What can I do to cheer up my unit, or at least make it more interesting?

A) This is because your Pre-RENT ROGER is thinking all APRIL units are gone. Either buy an ARPIL unit to cheer him up (keep your APRIL unit away from razors, heroin needles, heroin, or bathrooms.), or we found that a MIMI unit provides a good substitute. If you do not wish to the above, update your ROGER into a During/Post-RENT ROGER.

Q) There are strange people who are now flocking by my house, where I keep my ROGER. Most of them are young, and they randomly burst into song. Help!

A) These are RENTheads. We understand they are difficult to rid of, and we sincerely apologize. We suggest you go buy a RENT soundtrack CD, set up a sound system outside your house, and blast the CD 24 hours a day. You also might find that placing your ROGER in a main window will keep the women RENTheads busy, at least for a few hours. They should not be disruptive, though they will sit and stare at your ROGER for hours.

Q) My ROGER has a consistent cycle. My unit is very happy, suddenly heartbroken, angry, then somehow gets on a plane to Santa Fe, New Mexico. My unit eventually comes back, is sulky for a while, then happy again. This has happened four times. What do I need to do?

A) Your ROGER is in During-RENT mode, and is seeing a MIMI unit frequently. To stop this cycle, either get an APRIL unit, or simply move away from a MIMI unit. The cycle will continue if you do not do the above.

We hope you enjoy your ROGER!

No refunds.


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